can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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