my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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