It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
