I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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