Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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