Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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