ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
