You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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