Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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