he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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