This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
