And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
