i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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