is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
