you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
