problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
