Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
