I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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