the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
