I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
