i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
