i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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