So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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