did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
