and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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