woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
