no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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