Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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