FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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