You can't special order awesome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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