I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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