I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
