my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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