Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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