it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
