im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
