Little spoons don't ask big questions
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
