my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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