OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
