I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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