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So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
