you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
