Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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