The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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