you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize