Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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