I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
