32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
