Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
