On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
