looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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