Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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