and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
