i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
