Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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