I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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