At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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