I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are leaves in my underwear?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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