did you get engaged???
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
