You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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