i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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