You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
