How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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