Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
