yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize